Pre Production: Script Draft 1
Draft 1
Below is the First Draft of 'Control'.
Below is the First Draft of 'Control'.
Feedback
After sending my script into Simon, I had a tutorial in I could get some Feedback in the direction of which the Script is going and how it was as a First Draft.
All in all I was very happy with the outcome, as a First Draft the fundamental structure and aspects were present allowing me to build a solid base to work on. This was only done through my research prior to script-writing and sitting in on lectures with Steve Coombes.
Like all First Drafts however, there are areas to work on:
These areas to change which are highlighted really helped me troubleshoot my script, by cutting out issues I am coming closer to the final product and now able to start refining after this second draft is complete. Once the fundamental basics of the story are complete, the descriptive detail and finesse can be written.
Instead of a confrontation scene at the beginning, I will be testing the narrative by changing this into a tension scene. Instead of EMILY and DAN fighting, I will be looking at an interaction between the two in which everything is seemingly 'normal'. Despite EMILY just finding DAN's love interest and DAN looking for STEPH but otherwise finding EMILY.
In this scene I will explore tension, and a sense of uncomfortability. This could enhance the narrative by making their second interaction more charged and confrontational due to the state of their last conversation. I also want to establish a sense of familiarity between the two as we see the strains within their relationship as they struggle to have a 'normal' conversation.
In order to do this I will be looking into Hitchcock as a primary source in building tension. I will also be looking at other sources but this will be explored within a separate post on Tension & Atmosphere.
I feel that at the moment there is little change in the first and second confrontation scenes and seems to repeat itself with the second scene falling short. By changing the their initial interaction it provides further possibilities later on in the narrative and provides for a more entertaining story, while staying true to each character.
Middle
The second confrontation scene falls flat in my opinion and bogs down the narrative so I will be looking at something else to look at rather than a phone. Also i feel the climactic argument needs to be at the end of this scene so we can carry through to the final confrontation between the two.
By making this the climactic confrontation point it sets up the final part in which DAN leaves, giving him reason and motivation which fits his character.
End
In the end, I will be looking to reveal how DAN died. Potentially through a seamless transition through the house in the style of Hitchcock. Also I am looking at changing STEPH's approach to EMILY when she knocks on the door from hostile to concerned.
I feel that this is important for the audience and for closure to the story. It reveals what happened to DAN that doesn't treat the audience like idiots, but provides them with answers to the question of how DAN died. Otherwise, it could seem lazy that I do not include the death within the film, something that I am keen to show but should not feel forced.
Also STEPH's reaction to feel concerned makes more sense and provides for more narrative opportunities. By her being concerned we conclude that she has no idea what happened, further alienating EMILY as a person and character as we (the audience) then understand we have not seen the full/true representation of what happened that night.
After sending my script into Simon, I had a tutorial in I could get some Feedback in the direction of which the Script is going and how it was as a First Draft.
All in all I was very happy with the outcome, as a First Draft the fundamental structure and aspects were present allowing me to build a solid base to work on. This was only done through my research prior to script-writing and sitting in on lectures with Steve Coombes.
Like all First Drafts however, there are areas to work on:
- Avoid describing what characters are thinking
- Avoid future event description
- Don't tell us the mood has changed, show us.
- Dan needs Description
- DULL dialogue exchange for when EMILY confronts DAN.
- Remind of same bedroom.
- Scene 6 with the phone, bogs down the narrative.
- Avoid big speeches, try to only have 1 or 2.
- Describe SHED reveal better.
- Don't overuse 'control'.
- She doesn't 'hope its DAN at the door.
- The Script is not just for Simon and a grade but for Cast & Crew too.
- Take out majority of camera directions, use them for storyboard.
These areas to change which are highlighted really helped me troubleshoot my script, by cutting out issues I am coming closer to the final product and now able to start refining after this second draft is complete. Once the fundamental basics of the story are complete, the descriptive detail and finesse can be written.
Changes in Narrative
Beginning
Beginning
Instead of a confrontation scene at the beginning, I will be testing the narrative by changing this into a tension scene. Instead of EMILY and DAN fighting, I will be looking at an interaction between the two in which everything is seemingly 'normal'. Despite EMILY just finding DAN's love interest and DAN looking for STEPH but otherwise finding EMILY.
In this scene I will explore tension, and a sense of uncomfortability. This could enhance the narrative by making their second interaction more charged and confrontational due to the state of their last conversation. I also want to establish a sense of familiarity between the two as we see the strains within their relationship as they struggle to have a 'normal' conversation.
In order to do this I will be looking into Hitchcock as a primary source in building tension. I will also be looking at other sources but this will be explored within a separate post on Tension & Atmosphere.
I feel that at the moment there is little change in the first and second confrontation scenes and seems to repeat itself with the second scene falling short. By changing the their initial interaction it provides further possibilities later on in the narrative and provides for a more entertaining story, while staying true to each character.
Middle
The second confrontation scene falls flat in my opinion and bogs down the narrative so I will be looking at something else to look at rather than a phone. Also i feel the climactic argument needs to be at the end of this scene so we can carry through to the final confrontation between the two.
By making this the climactic confrontation point it sets up the final part in which DAN leaves, giving him reason and motivation which fits his character.
End
In the end, I will be looking to reveal how DAN died. Potentially through a seamless transition through the house in the style of Hitchcock. Also I am looking at changing STEPH's approach to EMILY when she knocks on the door from hostile to concerned.
I feel that this is important for the audience and for closure to the story. It reveals what happened to DAN that doesn't treat the audience like idiots, but provides them with answers to the question of how DAN died. Otherwise, it could seem lazy that I do not include the death within the film, something that I am keen to show but should not feel forced.
Also STEPH's reaction to feel concerned makes more sense and provides for more narrative opportunities. By her being concerned we conclude that she has no idea what happened, further alienating EMILY as a person and character as we (the audience) then understand we have not seen the full/true representation of what happened that night.
Moving Forward
- Complete work on draft 2 then receive feedback.
- Start creating a Storyboard.
- Provide Harry with the script so he can create a shot list.
- Create Crew List
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